


Suck It, Mr. Krabs

by InstructionsNotFound



Series: The Troubling Romance of Leon Kuwata and Sayaka Maizono [4]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: F/M, Inspired by New Girl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25744705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InstructionsNotFound/pseuds/InstructionsNotFound
Summary: Leon went through a hellish breakup.But with the help of his friends, he gets back on his feet.But more importantly, he gets his stuff back.
Relationships: Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Oowada Mondo, Kuwata Leon/Maizono Sayaka
Series: The Troubling Romance of Leon Kuwata and Sayaka Maizono [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1679428
Kudos: 51





	Suck It, Mr. Krabs

**Author's Note:**

> This was heavily inspired by Episode 2: Kryptonite of New Girl! (Which is where the title comes from) and the song Misfits T-Shirt by DREAMERS!
> 
> God, I had so much fun writing this.  
> I hope you enjoy. 
> 
> I know yall are like "can't believe ur on your messed up leon x sayaka shit again" but please bear with me, I am starving

Leon stirred in his bed, hearing a knock on the door. 

"Come in," he rubbed his eyes, sitting up. 

"Wake up," Mondo demands, sitting on the edge of Leon's bed with something on his lap. 

"I  _ am _ up," Leon mumbles in return. 

"No," Mondo insists, flicking Leon's forehead. "I mean wake the  _ fuck _ up." 

"Ow," Leon complains, rubbing his head. "What the hell was that for?" 

"Look at you. You're a mess," Mondo gestures towards him. 

Naturally, Leon wanted to argue, but the gnarly smell he was emitting was proof enough that Mondo was speaking the truth. Not to mention his crusty, matted hair that hadn't been washed in days. 

…Or the fact that he hadn't done laundry the entire time he had been living there, despite only bringing a handful of clothes in the first place. 

The whole room smelled like wet socks and edible despair. 

"We get it. You went through a rough breakup, but c'mon dude. It's been  _ two _ months, and you haven't left the apartment since." He continues, shaking his head. "It's time to take your life back, for real this time. No wimping out." 

"How?" Leon asks, without much hope in his voice. 

He had tried to go to the grocery store once, but even during that small attempt at normalcy, he broke down in the soup aisle. 

Everything he came across reminded him of Sayaka. Kazuichi ended up having to pick him up.

So, yeah. He was pretty content with staying cooped up in his room until the day he rotted, at this point. 

"Well, for starters," Mondo picked up the item in his lap and shoved it into Leon's arms. "Take a shower." 

"Then what?" Leon blinked twice, before realizing that the item was a much needed change of clean clothes. 

As the words left Leon's mouth, a serious look overcame Mondo's face. 

"You're not gonna like what I have to say." He warns. 

Leon's eyes started to sting, as if they knew what was coming. He could handle a shower, but he was nowhere  _ near _ ready to face the root of the problem. 

"Talk to her. Get closure. Whatever you need to do to get past this." Mondo never was one to sugarcoat things. Which made him a total pain in the ass, 'cause he was absolutely right. "And for the love of God, get your stuff back so you don't have to borrow anymore of Taka's shit. You look like a twink." 

Leon waited until Mondo was nearly out the door, to murmur his last ditch plea of hopelessness. "I… can't."

Mondo sighed, shaking his head, whilst mumbling under his breath. "I tried to do this the easy way, but… FUYUHIKO!" 

As if on cue, the short blonde paced into the room, stopping when he reached Leon, before promptly  _ slapping _ him across the face. "Get your shit together, ya bastard."

Leon was not prepared for the piercing pain that lingered. 

"What the  _ fuck _ is wrong with you two?" Leon groaned, rubbing his throbbing cheek. Sure, Fuyuhiko could slap, but this hurt  _ way _ more than Leon expected. "Holy hell that fuckin' hurts. What is on your hand?" 

Fuyuhiko silently raised his hand, revealing a skull shaped thumb ring. 

"I hate both of you motherfuckers." Leon cursed. He felt like his face had been run through a garbage disposal. 

Worse, they had  _ planned _ it. 

"But you're gonna do it?" Mondo prompts. 

"Christ, fine. I'll talk to Sayaka." Leon rolled his eyes, giving in. "Just get the fuck out of here before I beat the everloving shit out of you."

Leon could see Mondo grinning out of the corner of his eyes. He bet they fist bumped, too. Damn sadists. 

"If it bruises, I'm taking your asses to court!" Leon yelled for safe measure, as they exited his room. 

He huffed, falling back into the safety of his slobber-stained pillows. 

Yeah. He really fuckin' needed a shower. And a shave. 

* * *

At least sixty percent of Leon's subconscious had been banking on him boiling to death in the shower just to get out of his current predicament, but he was fresh out of luck. 

He inhaled deeply, taking in his new scent.

Now you might ask, what does the new and improved, Sayaka-less Leon Kuwata smell like?

Cucumber, for the sole reason that it was the cheapest body wash Kazuichi could find. 

At least it wasn't fuckin' strawberry, like Sayaka's shampoo. The scent used to linger on his fingertips when he ran his fingers through her hair. He used to like it. 

"You know better now." Leon warns his steamy reflection in the mirror, refusing to reminisce too much. 

And then, with the passion of a thousand wolves, he declared,"She can't hurt you anymore." 

* * *

The sheets on his bed were stripped by the time he left the bathroom. Thank fuck for Mondo's boyfriend, because Lord knows they needed a wash. 

And judging by the fact that he didn't gag from the smell when walking in, he was pretty sure Ishimaru had hidden a buttload of air freshener somewhere in his room. And he was not complaining. 

"See? Yer looking better already," Mondo grinned, leaning against Leon's door frame.

"Don't get cocky. I still fuckin' hate you," Leon scowled, grumbling under his breath. "Asshole." 

A sentiment Mondo was not worried about in the slightest. 

"You can thank me later." He shrugged. "We're leaving in 15." 

"We?" Leon repeated, raising an eyebrow. 

"Did'ya think we were gonna make you do this all alone?" Mondo shook his head. "Hell no. It's an all play. 'Sides, you're gonna need help carrying all your shit outta there."

Leon might've still been pissed from earlier, but he'd be a dick not to admit that Mondo was a good fuckin' friend. 

* * *

"Holy shit dude, you sure you can do this?" Kazuichi waltzed into his room, as apparently everyone was doing that morning. 

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Leon muttered. 

"That's not what I meant." Kazuichi defends himself, genuinely looking concerned. 

"I know," Leon admits, toying with the sleeve of his borrowed shirt as he stared up at his boring ass empty ceiling. He almost missed the lame ass glow in the dark stickers Sayaka had put up on her ceiling. They at least gave him something to look at. 

Maybe he'd dig out one of his old posters, while he was there, and hang that up. 

"Yo, Leon?" Kazuichi abruptly asks. "You obviously don't have to answer, but… what exactly happened between you two? Like, I know she fucked up, but I don't think you ever told us much more than that." 

"Dude, she didn't just fuck up, she fucked  _ me _ up." Leon hesitated, looking back at him. "It wasn't a big deal at first, but I noticed her lying about little things. How much something costs, where she put the remote. Things like that. Nothing that really mattered, so I let it be."

"And then she would tell me all of these things. Like how she didn't know what she would do without me, and how she was the only one that understood me. Or how talented I was." He continued, biting his tongue just to keep himself focused. "Sure, that shit sounds nice, but for every one of those comments, there was an opposite. Like how she could have anyone she wanted, and how I was a worthless waste of space, that nobody wanted to be around. She kept accusing me of cheating, too, all while sleeping with some rich kid on the weekends. Go figure." 

"I didn't realize she was manipulating me until it was too late. She made me feel like I was crazy, Kaz. Lying through her teeth about  _ everything _ . Turned my whole world upside down."

"Shit, man." Was all Kazuichi could come up with. Leon didn't blame him. 

"Yeah. Shit." Leon sighed, rubbing his face. "I just wish she started pulling that shit at the start of our relationship, not 3 years into it. Would've saved some heartbreak. God, I was in love with her. Straight up happily ever after type crap. And now, it's like I can't get her out of my head. I have all these memories of her, good and bad. It's like everything relates to her." 

"Are you assholes gonna sit around all day, or are you gonna get in the damn car?" Fuyuhiko knocks on the door, muttering his expletives. 

"Come on, Fu! I was just about to be the most comforting friend in the world." Kazuichi complains with a whine. 

"Call me that one more time-"

"Shut up. Let's go," Leon breaks the conflict, opening his door. He usually wouldn't dare speak to Fuyuhiko like that, but the asshole owed him a few freebies thanks to earlier.

Thanks to Mondo's "morals," Leon got thrown in the stuffy backseat with Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi, while Mondo and Ishimaru got to sit pretty in the front seats with full control of the air conditioning, which they  _ apparently _ didn't believe in. 

"Turn on the air. It's hot as balls back here." Leon begged with everything he had in him. 

"Stop whining. It's barely even 80°." Mondo retorted. 

"What was the point in me showering if I'm just gonna be a heap of sweat by the time we get there?" Leon countered. Much to his joy, this argument struck a chord with Ishimaru, who immediately turned the air conditioning on. It probably helped that he was wearing Ishimaru's clothes. Sweating in your own is one thing, sweating in someone else's is a whole different ballpark. 

They made it to Sayaka's sooner than Leon was mentally ready for. 

"What the fuck am I supposed to say? Hey, remember when I left you AND my stuff? Well, I'm here to take one of those things back, and it's definitely not you, you manipulative wh-" 

"Don't overthink it." Mondo advises, shutting him down. "We'll bring in the Rubbermaids. You handle the talking." 

"Yeah, that's exactly what I'm worried about." Leon scoffed, definitely not feeling any better about it. 

"We'll be there to step in if she tries anything." Kazuichi reassures, at the same time as Fuyuhiko threatens to pull Leon out by the teeth if he didn't get out of the goddamn car already. 

"Fine," Leon rolls his eyes, escaping the car. He didn't notice how shaky his hands were until he was halfway up the driveway. 

Deep breaths. 

When he reached the door, he noticed the half-dead pots of plants he used to get yelled at for not watering. 

He knew exactly where the spare key was. He could feel it with his shoes from underneath the welcome mat. 

But still, he went with the most basic route, and rang the doorbell. It was odd showing up at a place you used to call home like a stranger. 

Sayaka never checked through the window to see who was there before opening the door. So Leon got to see her reaction to his spontaneous appearance firsthand. 

"Leon, I-" her face warped from surprise to confusion. "What are you doing here?' 

Her hair was up in one of her signature messy buns that Leon used to play with, and she was wearing an oversized hoodie, that barely stayed on her shoulders. 

This exact moment had been going through his head since the day he had the courage to draw the line and get the hell away from her. 

"I'm here to get my stuff back, you two-timing bitch." He unapologetically declared, just like he had mentally rehearsed. 

And it felt pretty damn good, too, until she opened her mouth. 

"You look good," she began, and he knew everything that was about to come out of her mouth was a load of crap. 

"I missed you." Sayaka continued, cupping his cheek in her hand. 

His muscles tensed at the sudden contact. 

Her hand was soft, just like he remembered. 

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIN'." Fuyuhiko's shouting could be heard from all the way across the lawn, paired with Kazuichi's frantic, "DON'T LET HER TOUCH YOU!" 

And, like, mentally, he agreed. Getting his stuff back did not entail letting Sayaka smooth talk her way into Tuesday, BUT no matter how hard he begged his body to move, he remained frozen in place. 

"Don't," Leon desperately pleaded with her. But this was Sayaka. She never was one to listen. 

So she tilted her head upwards, and delicately placed her lips on his, as if they were a perfect match. 

And Leon, despite himself, let her. It terrified him how easy it would be to sink into the kiss, thinking only of the taste of her cherry chapstick on his lips. 

It felt wrong. He knew it was wrong. 

But part of him almost wished it wasn't. That he could relinquish himself to the tainted fantasy that played out in his mind. 

And he  _ hated _ himself for it. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his friends practically jumping out of the car to save him, yelling his name, and the sight alone was enough to bring him back to his proper senses. 

Shaking his head, he adamantly stepped back, nearly pushing Sayaka off of him, as his heart pounded. 

"Why the  _ hell _ would you do that?" Leon spat, shivers reverberating down his spine. She was doing it again. Using him. 

"You're my boyfriend," she justified.

" _ Ex _ , Sayaka. Ex-boyfriend." Leon emphasized, leaving no room for interpretation. 

"It doesn't have to be this way," Sayaka grabs his wrist, keeping him from walking inside. 

"Like hell it doesn't!" Leon scoffed, shaking her hand off of him. "You cheated on me. There's no coming back from that. Especially not from a liar like yourself. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna take my stuff and get out of your life forever." 

With his final words out in the air, Leon triumphantly entered the house that he used to call his own. 

_ Home, sweet home _ . 

It hadn't changed at all. 

"Leon!" Kazuichi panted, as he and Fuyuhiko damn near trampled Sayaka on their way in. "Are you okay?" 

"Just give me th' word 'n I swear ta God I'll call Peko over to beat her ass-" Fuyuhiko way too enthusiastically assured. 

"I'm fine," Leon reassured, holding his breath. 

He'd be a helluva lot better once he never had to see her again. 

Mondo and Taka trailed closely behind, carrying the promised Rubbermaids, letting them get to work. 

Leon packed up everything from bobbleheads to graphic tees with the help of the guys, whilst Sayaka paced in the background.

All was well, until she reentered the room, and Leon's blood ran cold. 

"Give it back," he harshly demanded, looking at the shirt she was now wearing. The goddamn Misfits T-shirt he bought at their first concert together. The day he fell in love with her. 

She had to have known what she was doing. There was no way it was a coincidence. 

It felt like a personal attack. A punch in the gut, knocking the wind out of his lungs. 

"No. You left it here and I want to keep it." Sayaka challenged, her upper lip quivering slightly, as if she was on the verge of tears. 

"Sayaka." Leon harshly swallowed, standing his ground like his life depended on it. 

"You… you can't just take  _ everything _ and pretend like what we had was nothing! I loved you. I  _ love _ you, Leon." She cried out, between shaky breaths. "Always will." 

He  _ almost _ felt bad, if it wasn't for the fact that he knew she was full of it. 

"... fine. Keep the shirt." Leon gave in, much to the exasperation of his friends. "Actually, y'know what, you can keep it all!" 

He took the time to gesture around the room, pointing to every crate he had stuffed with the possessions that rightfully belonged to him. 

"Leon, what the  _ hell- _ " Fuyuhiko hastily muttered. 

"Let him finish," Mondo reassured, stopping him from getting too riled up on the matter. He reluctantly complied. 

"As long as you can tell me why you did it." 

Sayaka opened her mouth, but no response came out, as if she was stunned silent by the bluntness of Leon's question. 

"The lying, the cheating, the manipulation… any of it." He elaborates, not letting her out of this the easy way. "Because I'd  _ love _ to hear what made you think it was the slightest bit okay."

"..." Leon could see the tears welling up in the corner of her eyes as she stormed off into her room. 

For a brief moment, while she was gone, he was damn near terrified what she was planning behind the scenes. 

But when she returned, she was wearing the hoodie from before, and had Leon's Misfits t-shirt crumpled up in her hands, thrusting it into Leon's arms with unforeseen force. 

"That's what i thought," Leon triumphantly accepted the shirt, a great deal of relief washing over him. He damn well deserved it. "Fucking with my heart is one thing, but you crossed a line when you started fucking with my head. And one thing's for sure: none of that's love." 

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a whole life to live without you. And Sayaka?" Picking up a rubbermaid, Leon walked towards the door, before turning back to Sayaka one last time. "I hope you go fuck yourself." 

The walk back to the car, with his friends at his side, whooping and hollering his name at his win, was the best feeling in the world. 

**Author's Note:**

> I greatly appreciate anyone who took the time to read this! Feedback is appreciated :)
> 
> now, please, stay hydrated & take ur meds!


End file.
